The Six Affairs

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had Abuse Word all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

===========

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always

talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

===========

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

===========

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening

the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

===========

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

===========

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside..

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Girls' Profiles from Matrimony Sites

These are Girls profiles taken from Matrimony sites These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and
spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or
send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGEROF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY
TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate
ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
i am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Zebra..???)

Nokia pulling Apple's Leg

By this time you might have heard of the Apple's iPhone 4 problem. If you do not hold it the way you are supposed to hold it, the phone loses its reception. Surprised? Shocked? Confused? But, it is true. 

This is how Apple responded to all the complaints about the loss of reception, "Gripping any mobile phone will result in some attenuation of its antenna performance, with certain places being worse than others depending on the placement of the antennas."

I have used so many phones until now but never have I had this problem. Anyways, I have gone through some Nokia blog conversations and here's what I found:

"The key function on any Nokia device is its ability to make phone calls. After all, that’s why we know them universally as mobile phones (or smart phones, feature phones or mobile computers – though the same grip styles work for those, too). One of the main things we’ve found about the 1 billion plus Nokia devices that are in use today is that when making a phone call, people generally tend to hold their phone like a…. well, like a phone. Providing a wide range of methods and grips for people to hold their phones, without interfering with the antennae, has been an essential feature of every device Nokia has built."

Now isn't that fun?

The Quest to Target

I moved around feeling a pulse,

a vivacious dream and a vivid thought,

was pricked by thorns and hit by stones.

Unswerved and unmoved,

I followed the path where my heart took me.

Sometimes it was so dark, I couldn’t see a thing.

The terrain scared me, but my determination helped,

't gave me some light, showed me a way out.

I had no companion, neither did I need one.

My strength was my belief, my energy was my vision.

They were my friends, I stuck to them until the end.

As I dragged along my way,

I felt no hunger or thirst.

All I could feel was an imminent destiny.

A masquerade of beauty came along,

A veiled ecstasy of pleasure to distract me,

Diversions could never avert me.

I remained strong, unnerved and undeterred

Only my target was in my mind.

When the final moment came,

I saw the glow of a lifetime.

The purpose of life lied in front,

Immersed in the glory of that light were

the desires and the passions known until now.

-Raj McKay

New iPhone 4

All the people with the new iPhone 4, are you having fun with the losing reception of the phone service. Hope Apple releases a fix soon and you all get to smile again. Anyways, I found a nice cartoon pic from Gizmodo  for everyone one to enjoy.

A Proud moment for all Indians

We did not approve Mrs. Sonia Gandhi to become the Indian Prime Minister because she wasn't of the Indian origin and now though the Prime Minister is not her, its a given fact that the nation is driven by her.

Anyway, what I wanted to let you know all is that the Prime Minister of Trinidad is from Indian origin. Kamla Persad-Bissessar, is also the first female President of the country. She was a Law school Topper and she has a Masters in Business Administration and a Diploma in Education from the University of West Indies.

You may be wondering why she has this Indian origin. Well, her forefathers were among those many million people who were brought from India to work on the sugar and cocoa plantations. 

She held the Gita and took her oath as the Prime Minister of Trinidad, the country who's 44% of the population is Indian.

Sources: Dandavat, The Hindu

Revenue from Apple Products

Did you know that today Apple makes most of its money through iPhone sales? In the early quarters of 2007, majority of their money came from the sales of iPod and after the release of iPhone in the second quarter of 2007, the market for it slowly increased and now is their highest sold product. Revenue from iTunes has been constant since the beginning. You can see from the chart below that the sales for iPod are slowly falling. We can understand why; when you're getting an iPhone with all the features of the iPod, why buy the latter?

Picture taken from 9to5mac.com

Symbol for Indian Rupee

American dollar is represented by $
UK Pound is given the symbol £
Japanese yen has ¥
Euro has a representation too €
When all of these countries have symbols to represent their currencies, why shouldn't India have one, especially now since the country's global economic rate is zooming high.
The Indian government announced a contest to win a little over $5000 to come up with a symbol for the Rupee.
A few of the finalized symbols could be seen below. They are going to announce the result today (June 24, 2010).

Which symbol do you accept? Do you have any other symbol in your mind? If yes, sorry you're a little late, unless you know Mrs. Sonia Gandhi.

Picture taken from CNN IBN

Its time for some fun at the Train Stations

Are you getting bored of going to the train station everyday to take the train to your work and then back home? Do you think the elevators or the stairs there take extra time from your schedule? Do you miss playing the slide in the park in your childhood? If yes, then here is a new Fast lane that has been introduced for people to have fun as well as save some time.



From Kevin O' Neil

Interesting facts

I got this picture from one of my numerous forwarded emails. Thought of sharing it with you all...

The Magic of True Friendship

I have been walking since yesterday, my body refused to cooperate anymore and my legs asked for rest. The little food that remained with me was eaten by my good friend when I visited him. I continued to walk, for, in a while, I’d be back in my home.

I could see a white palace at a distance. I never saw this fort so close to my home. I wondered where it came from, I was away just for a few days. As I moved closer, I realized the Palace stood exactly where my home is situated, in fact, it replaced my home. Shocked and startled as I was, I went in through the entrance and saw both of my kids playing in the courtyard.

I asked one of them “Shravan, my son, whose house is this?”

“Its’ ours Dad”, an excited reply came from Shravan.

 Hearing my voice, my wife came outside. She was dressed in a beautiful saree and had a lot of jewellary on her. I pinched myself to make sure I was not in a dream.

My wife smiled at me. I did not remember the last time I saw that expression on her.

“Your friend, Lord Krishna, visited us”, she said.

I knew he would help me but I did not know it would happen so soon.

Two days ago

My plate had one bread, that’s all I have for dinner today. My stomach has a strange pain since the past three days,

“Its’ called hunger”, my mother had once told me.

I saw my two kids silently staring at me from a distance. I could hear the words their eyes said, “Father, when would we have a full meal?”

I made two halves of my single bread and gave it to them. I satisfied my hunger with a glass full of water, once again. My wife looked at me; I saw a tear dropping from her eye. She loved me a lot, that’s the only thing which I had plenty in my life. I am not a good husband, I thought to myself. She never asked me for anything nor could I give her something. She worked outside to get us some money for food.

Every day I went out onto the streets singing songs which praised Gods. Those who liked my songs gave me food. This worked out fine when it was only my wife and me but when kids entered into our life, things got more difficult. We always offered our first meal to the God, we believed he would always watch us and soon fill our lives with happiness. We respect our guests and every time we offer them whatever we had with us. My family never disobeyed my ideals, they always held respect for my principles; I felt guilty for not being able to keep them happy though they had so much love for me.

That night I had a dream in which I saw my old friend Krishna. Krishna and I were best friends in school. We used to play together every day and we shared our food. My mother used to give me beaten rice for lunch, Krishna used to like it so much. In my dream, I saw him calling me again. I woke up startled. Even I longed to see my dear friend but I did not know whether he still remembered me. He is now the King of Dwaraka and people called him Lord Krishna.

The next day without a thought I set out to visit my friend in Dwaraka. It was a long journey so my wife gave me beaten rice and some starch to eat on the way. I walked and walked all the miles for the whole day.

The next morning I was in front of the Palace of Dwaraka. I am not sure if I’d be allowed in and stood there staring at the palace.

“Can I help you?”, the royal guard at the entrance asked me.

“I would like to me Krish...err... Lord Krishna”, I said feeling low.

“Who should I say you are?” the guard asked me.

“Tell him that I am his old friend, Sudhama.”

The guard went in. The next minute, I saw my friend coming out.

He hugged me straightaway, “Oh Sudhama, thank you for remembering me.” I was so glad He still remembered me and is so happy to see me.

Lord Krishna took great care of me and offered me good food. We both remembered how we spent time in our childhood. When I thought of asking him for the ultimate favor, Krishna asked me for something, “Sudhama, My friend, what did you bring for me?”

I opened my bag and gave him the box of beaten rice. I was amazed to see him still act a small child and eat my box of beaten rice. He drank from my bottle of starch water.

“Thank you Sudhama, I missed this food for a long food.”

“Thank you Krishna, but that is all I can offer you now.” I wanted to say.

I could not share my misery with my friend so I did not tell him anything about my poverty. I wanted him to believe that I am happy with my family. I set out for my home later that day.

All through my way back, I remembered how caring my friend was. I was never treated so well in my entire life. I felt lucky to have such a friend. Though he did not offer me any help, my respect and love for him has grown enormously. He told me that he would come visit me; I hope that never happens.

Now

No one in my home slept with an empty stomach. We offer more prayers to the Lord everyday and respect our guests. Everyone smiled with joy and happiness. All of this is possible only because of Lord Krishna and the love he has for his people.

The Journey of Hardship

The storm struck hard,

in trouble I was, I knew.

The rain was heavy and the wind blew strong.

On my way to destiny, I couldn’t halt;

My Goal would move far away, if I stop.

I passed the beautiful flowers on the way,

whose fragrance asked me, a while to stay.

Warm breeze in the meadows, a beautiful brunette at the shore

and the warm welcome of the kin, asked me to hold.

But I couldn’t, I was on my way to destiny,

And my target would move far away, if I stop.

My steed felt tired and so was I,

He asked for rest and so did I.

We both knew we shan’t stop, we remembered,

the prayers we said and the oaths we made;

We won’t stop until the purpose is met.

Dumpy ground made the journey rough,

Scorching sun, sapped my energy away,

The destination never seemed close enough,

Still I have to hunt for it.

Closer it never seems, closure I never get,

But I have to run, forever and ever.

-Raj McKay

I Always liked this Quote

The Midas Touch... in my words

He lied in front of a gold statue,

with everything around him gold.

Still, his eyes had tears, he looked worried.

With deep pain, he recalled what happened.

His name was King Midas,

Money he had plenty but greed for more never died.

Richest person on Earth, he wanted to be.

He liked the glow of the shiny yellow metal,

More and more of which he wanted for himself.

His people suffered; there was grief all over,

Midas never cared for any of their well-being.

He yearned for unlimited wealth,

Heavy taxes sucked the blood out of them.

Prayers were offered, to their Goddess everyday,

Midas asked for more, his people asked for support.

The Goddess listened earnestly, figured out whom to help.

One fine morning, She appeared before the King

“Oh Lord Midas, am impressed by your prayer,

Make a wish, and it shall be done.”

King Midas was struck in awe,

All he wanted was nothing but wealth,

But how much would he ask for,

Every amount he felt was smaller.

Astute as he was, struck on a brilliant idea.

Without a thought, he made his wish.

“Oh Mighty Devi, Thank you for visiting me,

Please give me the power, make my touch magical,

Whatever I touch, should turn to Gold”

The Goddess smiled at Midas,

She gave him what he asked for.

A boon for the King was a bane from the Goddess.

At first, Midas was ecstatic,

His entire floor turned to Gold,

He went and touched his bed,

In a moment, it turned to Gold

He went on trying his luck,

Until everything in his palace turned gold.

Midas’s hunger turned from wealth to food,

But grief struck the joyous King soon.

He couldn’t eat food nor quench his thirst.

Anything in his contact, transformed to gold,

But still, he didn't want to lose the power.

Dull and dejected, he went to his open field,

He saw his daughter, singing and playing.

Her sweet voice brought a smile back,

Forgetting all about his power, he took her in his arms,

The next thing he saw was a gold effigy with no life.

Midas was shocked, a few beats skipped,

His cry was painful, he fell speechless.

His wish turned out to be his own resentment.

He prayed to the Goddess, she did not appear.

Looking for answers, he went to his people.

There he saw real grief, real poverty and real hunger.

He was all they needed and he helped them.

He saved the sick people, helped the poor,

Relieved the high taxes, brought happiness to everyone.

That night again the Goddess reappeared,

Midas confessed his mistakes.

Promised to be a good King

And wished his “boon” be taken off.

He saw his little daughter playing in the field again,

The King donated all his money to his people.

He made sure no one in his kingdom was sad,

Then he felt as the wealthiest person on earth.

“Wealth is only a minute part of happiness; the real contentment in life would be in being the reason for joy in every other person's eyes.”

-Raj McKay